Girls & Monsters
Origins
I never read before I go to bed. Instead, I tell myself stories, in my head, right before I fall asleep. Sometimes, they're snippets of stories I've told myself; sometimes, they're brand new.
Girls and Monsters began as one of these random stories I told myself. I began with a kidnapping--pretty standard--threw in some magic, and came up with some characters. I fell asleep, but I remembered the story the next night, and began playing with the idea again.
I keep idea journals. After a couple of nights of daydreaming, I decided to write down the idea. This is the original snippet I wrote down in my idea journal all the way in 2014.
Girls and Monsters began as one of these random stories I told myself. I began with a kidnapping--pretty standard--threw in some magic, and came up with some characters. I fell asleep, but I remembered the story the next night, and began playing with the idea again.
I keep idea journals. After a couple of nights of daydreaming, I decided to write down the idea. This is the original snippet I wrote down in my idea journal all the way in 2014.
Original Idea
November 15, 2014
This is a weird daydream I’ve been working on at night these past few days.
A wizard kidnaps these princesses and puts them in a castle. Each one has a spell put on them that gradually turns them into a monster. And there are plenty of beasts roaming the castle.
I sort of began with this girl of maybe 9 or 10 getting kidnapped. An older girl, maybe 15, explains to her that they are going to change shape, but it will be all right, because they’re all sisters. Then she brings her to the only princess who knows sorcery.
This princess is in the middle of her transformation. Underneath her skirt, her legs are thickening, her feet turning into talons. Scales crust her skin, and she’s losing her hair, and her eyes are turning yellow. But she’s still calm and fully in control of her mind. She explains what’s happening.
She tells the girl that the man who has captured them is a very bad man. He likes seeing girls suffer, because it makes him feel powerful. But why them? Well, he chooses girls because he thinks they will be more sensitive about turning into a monster, because they have been taught beauty is everything. Boys might enjoy the power and freedom of it. Also, the wizard likes girls. He likes to break their hearts. He makes them love him and breaks their hearts.
The little girl asks how anyone can fall in love with him, and the sorcerer princess replies that he is very charming and he offers them the chance to be human again. He pretends he wants to marry them, but he really doesn’t. In reality, he has chosen each princess because they have something he wants. He makes them promise they’ll give him the thing he wants and he will bind them to that promise, with a spell. It uses a thread that shoots through them. If he doesn’t get what they promise, they face terrible consequences.
The sorcerer princess goes on to say that she learned magic from the time she was a girl, from her grandmother. This magic slows her own transformation, and it can prevent the other girls from losing their minds. But they all have to keep strong and hope that someone with strong white magic will come and save them. In the meantime, they must resist the wizard.
The wizard, who by the way is young and charming, watches them from mirrors throughout the house. It’s part of the deal she struck with him. He cannot step foot inside the house. In exchange, she must have dinner with him every night.
He keeps asking her to marry him. But she refuses. He tries to charm and manipulate her. She refuses to budge an inch. It’s the classic case of a good girl versus a bad boy. She thinks he’s evil and refuses to budge--even at the risk of turning into a monster.
Earlier, the little girl had asked if it was scary turning into a monster. She says that there are two things that are frightening--and the second is what everyone else will think. That’s why, as sisters, they must accept each other.
“What’s the first thing?” the little girl asks.
“Not knowing yourself.”
After I wrote down the idea, I stopped and looked at it, and wrote my reactions--and got new ideas, which I continued to write down. This is the second section of that journal. WARNING! There may be SPOILERS for the end of Book 1 in this section. It's not Apples-to-Apples with the actual ending, but it might give away a key plot point.
I liked the idea of these girls turning into monsters and how it would feel. I liked the sorcerer girl and how she refused to yield to the wizard. I liked playing with their banter. At the same time, I did not see them as a romantic couple that would ever work--until the next night, when I thought of a new scenario. What if you took the girls away?
All the young girls are rescued--they’ve gone home. Everyone, but her.
She’s still turning into a monster. He looks at her and says she no longer has to be strong for the other girls.
“I wonder,” he says. “All those things you said about me--was it for their sake? Or did you really believe them?”
He still wants to marry her. He swears that he loves her, that he never took advantage of the other girls. He doesn’t deny he wants power or that her power is partially what influences his decision to marry her.
She says if he really loves her, why not change her back? He strokes the scaly area on her arm and says he can’t. This isn’t his doing. It’s something deep and dark in her own family.
“Marriage,” he says, “is one of the strongest promises.” Promises get their power from trust and trust is what feeds the power of the spell. “Marry me and the spell will break.”
“But the problem,” she says, “is that I don’t trust you.”
All the young girls are rescued--they’ve gone home. Everyone, but her.
She’s still turning into a monster. He looks at her and says she no longer has to be strong for the other girls.
“I wonder,” he says. “All those things you said about me--was it for their sake? Or did you really believe them?”
He still wants to marry her. He swears that he loves her, that he never took advantage of the other girls. He doesn’t deny he wants power or that her power is partially what influences his decision to marry her.
She says if he really loves her, why not change her back? He strokes the scaly area on her arm and says he can’t. This isn’t his doing. It’s something deep and dark in her own family.
“Marriage,” he says, “is one of the strongest promises.” Promises get their power from trust and trust is what feeds the power of the spell. “Marry me and the spell will break.”
“But the problem,” she says, “is that I don’t trust you.”
I continued to play with the story for several weeks after that. In fact, I was so obsessed, I gave them names.
Main sorcerer girl--Serihilde--German--"armored battle maid"--currently 17.
Main sorcerer boy--Brandeis--German--"dwells on a burned clearing"--about 20.
Follower girl--Petronille--German--"form of Peter; rock"--about 14
Main sorcerer boy--Brandeis--German--"dwells on a burned clearing"--about 20.
Follower girl--Petronille--German--"form of Peter; rock"--about 14
I came up with all sorts backstories. I went over family histories. I mapped out Brand's past, to understand why he became this way. I delved into Seri's past. I wrote down their power struggles, their tender moments. And when I'd finished all that, eventually, I came up with their first meeting.
January 14, 2015
Flashback: Seri Meets Brand
She was in her garden, picking flowers for her mother’s grave. Her sister’s death had only just started to harden into a dull ache in her chest, and now her father had gone away, searching for a new wife. Seri did the gestures, but felt dead inside.
She started for the graveyard and that’s when she saw him.
He was dressed as a court musician, but she saw through his illusion spell immediately--knew instantly that it was an illusion. At this point, she was still ignorant of how to break spells, much less do anything about it—but her natural affinity for magic was there.
The disguised musician smiles. “Would the lady like a song? Let me roll down this rug and I will play for you.”
“No,” she says stiffly. “I’m fine.” She does not sit on the rug.
“Then let me follow you with a song of your beauty,” he begins.
“Leave me alone,” she says and turns back for the house.
That’s when she’s attacked.
Handkerchiefs fly in her mouth, causing her to gag, the lute strings break off and tie up her hands and feet. She drops the basket of lilies she was holding and falls to the floor.
The stranger rolls her over and looks at her. “You saw through my disguise,” he notes. “That’s promising.”
He rolls her into the rug.
Next thing she knows, they’re off, and she doesn’t know how they’re moving or where, all she knows is that she’s being kidnapped and taken from the home she always knew.
Next thing she knows, she’s at this tower, in the middle of nowhere. He rolls her out of the blanket and puts her on the bed. He’s donning the disguise of an old wisened man, but she knows it’s a disguise, too.
“Who are you?” she yells. “What do you want with me?”
“For now,” he says, “I want you to lay still.”
The bindings tie her hands and legs to the bedposts, and now she knows he’s going to rape her, and she screams and thrashes.
“Stop that,” he says. “It will only hurt more.”
Then suddenly he thrusts something into her stomach. It feels like a cannonball going through her and she screams in pain. But it only stings for a moment and then it’s gone. Yet something is still wrong. She feels like she’s swallowed iron.
“Did it hurt?” he asks. “Huh. The other girls didn’t scream like that.”
He unties her and she crawls protectively into the corner.
“What did you do to me?”
“I put a spell on you,” he said. “It will turn you into a monster. Not at once. But eventually.
“It’s a win-win situation for me.” He smiles. “If you want to turn back into a girl, you’ll have to bargain with me. Give me something I want.”
“And if I refuse?”
“Then I’ll have a new pet.”
Flashback: Seri Meets Brand
She was in her garden, picking flowers for her mother’s grave. Her sister’s death had only just started to harden into a dull ache in her chest, and now her father had gone away, searching for a new wife. Seri did the gestures, but felt dead inside.
She started for the graveyard and that’s when she saw him.
He was dressed as a court musician, but she saw through his illusion spell immediately--knew instantly that it was an illusion. At this point, she was still ignorant of how to break spells, much less do anything about it—but her natural affinity for magic was there.
The disguised musician smiles. “Would the lady like a song? Let me roll down this rug and I will play for you.”
“No,” she says stiffly. “I’m fine.” She does not sit on the rug.
“Then let me follow you with a song of your beauty,” he begins.
“Leave me alone,” she says and turns back for the house.
That’s when she’s attacked.
Handkerchiefs fly in her mouth, causing her to gag, the lute strings break off and tie up her hands and feet. She drops the basket of lilies she was holding and falls to the floor.
The stranger rolls her over and looks at her. “You saw through my disguise,” he notes. “That’s promising.”
He rolls her into the rug.
Next thing she knows, they’re off, and she doesn’t know how they’re moving or where, all she knows is that she’s being kidnapped and taken from the home she always knew.
Next thing she knows, she’s at this tower, in the middle of nowhere. He rolls her out of the blanket and puts her on the bed. He’s donning the disguise of an old wisened man, but she knows it’s a disguise, too.
“Who are you?” she yells. “What do you want with me?”
“For now,” he says, “I want you to lay still.”
The bindings tie her hands and legs to the bedposts, and now she knows he’s going to rape her, and she screams and thrashes.
“Stop that,” he says. “It will only hurt more.”
Then suddenly he thrusts something into her stomach. It feels like a cannonball going through her and she screams in pain. But it only stings for a moment and then it’s gone. Yet something is still wrong. She feels like she’s swallowed iron.
“Did it hurt?” he asks. “Huh. The other girls didn’t scream like that.”
He unties her and she crawls protectively into the corner.
“What did you do to me?”
“I put a spell on you,” he said. “It will turn you into a monster. Not at once. But eventually.
“It’s a win-win situation for me.” He smiles. “If you want to turn back into a girl, you’ll have to bargain with me. Give me something I want.”
“And if I refuse?”
“Then I’ll have a new pet.”
For several weeks, I played with Seri and Brand's romance, until eventually, I ran out of ideas. And so, I put it away. The whole Girls and Monsters saga was nothing but partial scenes and partial dialogue, stitched together with summaries.
I put it down. I didn't think about it.
Then, in 2019, I re-discovered it.
I was flipping through my idea journal, and I found the whole long saga, and I ate up every word. And then I had the urge to write it down--not as ideas, but as an actual story. Part of me felt weird about doing it, about writing this story even for fun.
July 23, 2019
I wrote this idea in my notebook from November 15, 2014 (age 29) until June 14, 2015, and it became one of my go-to romance “bedtime stories,” where I just came up with more and more dramatic scenarios until I fell asleep, and then tried to pick up where I left off the next day. So it reads like a soap opera. Because of that, I felt the story was a bit trashy. It’s not something I could try to publish. In addition, there’s a lot of really questionable stuff, what with the threat of rape insinuated all the freaking time, a captivity romance, and a bad boy who falls for a good girl and ultimately changes for her. All the stuff that people waggle their fingers over.
But screw it! Who cares! I’m writing this down because I want to, because I went back and re-read it, and holy smokes, the damn thing kept me up all night! I love these characters, I love how broken and passionate they are, how they fight and grow. Yeah, it’s not Shakespeare, but I think it’s worth writing down--for my own amusement, at least.
I wrote this idea in my notebook from November 15, 2014 (age 29) until June 14, 2015, and it became one of my go-to romance “bedtime stories,” where I just came up with more and more dramatic scenarios until I fell asleep, and then tried to pick up where I left off the next day. So it reads like a soap opera. Because of that, I felt the story was a bit trashy. It’s not something I could try to publish. In addition, there’s a lot of really questionable stuff, what with the threat of rape insinuated all the freaking time, a captivity romance, and a bad boy who falls for a good girl and ultimately changes for her. All the stuff that people waggle their fingers over.
But screw it! Who cares! I’m writing this down because I want to, because I went back and re-read it, and holy smokes, the damn thing kept me up all night! I love these characters, I love how broken and passionate they are, how they fight and grow. Yeah, it’s not Shakespeare, but I think it’s worth writing down--for my own amusement, at least.
And that was that.
It took me two years to write Girls and Monsters, from July 2019 until November 2022. In turning it from notes into a story, quite a lot changed. And I actually began to think my story was not just straight-up trash, but that it actually had something to say.
Even so, I can still see parts of that original idea shining through in the current version of my story.